Day 2: Transition Day

Mental: My capacities seem good, and I’m ok.  I am however, overwhelmed by the new things I need to learn for my job.  All of this material is so intense. (Really, I’m a bit surprised I haven’t cried yet over this stuff!) Actually, I’ve been kind of funny today?

Physical: I feel ok.  I went to the physiotherapist this morning and he reminded me of the steps that I need to take to get everything functional and working again. I had a bulging disc in my back, and the theory right now is that this has largely healed. (Awesome!) However, I am not yet fixed. The issue caused a lot of pain and strain. I am now working on my thoroughly messed up back muscles. I dream of running again, and apparently, there is hope for me yet!

Spiritual: Are you still out there?  It’s been a while since I’ve felt connected. I’m still feeling worried and stuck about where I am in life.  Maybe I don’t belong in this job. Maybe I need to find something better or different.  I have faith. I am looking for options.

I am in a great mood today. It’s actually weirdly pleasant, but so unfair!  Seriously. I don’t feel like a bad version of me at all. 🙂 I feel like my sense of humour is right at the surface, but here I am, stuck looking at the very driest stuff possible at work. I’m fully foolish, but I’m trapped in this cubicle trying to learn things that I swear to my various Gods I do not understand.  It’s enough to almost kill the silliness in my soul. (At least I’m still more able to stay awake than some people!)

I don’t feel like I’ve understood a damn thing here in a week.  That’ll fade, right? I honestly think that mood-wise, I am doing as well as I could possibly could be under the circumstances.  If the instructor started layering in some Chinese, right now I think I would just shrug and accept it; I’m already sinking so quickly anyway.  Pour on the quicksand.

It’s like I know that I’m screwed, but I’m just going along with it anyway. No need to cause myself even more stress, right?

In all honesty, I do believe that I’ll get this eventually. My work generally involves getting an onslaught of material that I need to study and grok and explore to fully understand. It takes me time. Gimme another couple of weeks. We’ll see!



Categories: Psychedelics

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