Mental: Thank God I feel smarter today. This job is nuts! My hope is that I can just keep learning, pick myself up from feeling so blue lately and keep somehow managing to do this. At least I feel more capable today.
Physical: I’m feeling a slight headache, reduced hunger, and nervousness. Hmm. This indicates to me that perhaps I’ve done too high on the dose. This would be much worse if I was also still drinking coffee. (A wise choice to get away from it for now.) I feel elevated, but this is more than enough.
Spirituality: I feel like maybe She has answered me, in a weird way. It’s like…I have to take full responsibility for the suckiness in my own life. Deal with what I’ve got and move forward. The message I’m getting is, “this is on you, Minerva.” Ouch.
I’m a silly, excitable, slightly nervous person today. Not too bad, but as I stated, I’m pretty relieved that I’m not going heavy into black coffee again. I think that if I also had coffee running through my system, I would just about explode!
I should also give you some more background as to how I am doing this. I found a site which was selling capsules of mushroom powder. (Not recommending you do this, and the site has since shut down.) The capsules are too much, really, for a microdose at 400mg. (Maybe if you were a huge, muscular dude, but not for a 150lb female!) I’ve been dividing them in two.
This means that I am taking 200mg every 4 days. The cost of these capsules, especially since I am dividing them, is not high. Plus, if they help me to stay off coffee and also stay away from alcohol, then I think they are well worth the money.
Unconnected thought: For someone who professes to eat healthy food, I sure eat a lot of trash sometimes. More things to work on.
I wish that my mind wasn’t so wrapped up in work right now. Work has been this whole stressful thing lately. I wish it wasn’t like that. I wish I weren’t so focused on that artistic ennui that people like me experience when they get stuck in office jobs. I have to stop dragging myself down. Now’s the time to rise up and do what I need to do without a chip on my shoulder. I have so many great things going on in my life!
I was speaking to my sister today, and she verified this morning that my mood seems better over the past week (!). It still seems to early, but could it be that this whole experiment is actually working? How exciting! (Ha. Like I need more excitement!) Thinking that it could be improving my mood lately is a pleasant thought. Maybe this really will improve things for me, my mood and my relationships. I don’t think it can hurt.