How Cold is this Turkey?

So far, I haven’t gone cold turkey on the whole “quitting marijuana” thing.

Too scary. Entirely quit? As in, having to face the uncomfortable daylight of reality all the time? Without the promise of being able to immediately broaden my perspective if I really really need to? Ouch.

I don’t mean to make this sound as if I haven’t made an effort. I have! I’ve slowed down. I notice my cravings more, and often I just observe them, the discomfort they cause and let them pass me by.

In a way, cravings are interesting. Here you are, a full-grown, serious adult, and a tiny part of your brain is throwing an absolute tantrum: But it’s what I want! Pay attention to me! *Repeated noise-making and yelling in the back of your mind as you attempt to focus on other things* Hey! Hey! Can’t you hear me? I’m right here, and I’m you, and you’re being ridiculous! You can quit tomorrow!

It’s weird because, the craving is you, but it’s not. I mean, no one was born craving anything other than the basic necessities. These cravings are really habits we’ve built and demons we’ve fed. They do not define us.

But then again, here I am telling you that I haven’t quit, but I’ve slowed down. Hmm. Honestly, that’s a little unsatisfying. I also think that every time I do smoke, although it is lovely and relaxing and a relief, I am just making the darn cravings stronger.

Sheesh, I can see the obvious thing to do, and I can hardly bear to thought of doing it. It seems like volunteering to throw myself over a cliff.

Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but I think I need to up the ante, because if I follow the logic of this thing through, it seems obvious that I need to take a real break and fully quit. Obvious that although I am a staunch vegetarian, it’s time to sample a heaping plate of cold turkey…

(Insert clever joke about Christmas leftovers here!)

In perfect love, perfect trust and perfect curiousity,

Minerva



Categories: Writing

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